Taking a closer look....
Reflections, news, interesting links - and maybe a photo or two.
10/5/2017 0 Comments The cycle route to a happier me6:30 a.m. Sunday morning. The alarm goes off. Plan is to haul myself up by bike to the Cotswold Cogfest, a cycling event starting in Minchinhampton. That’s up a big hill and five miles from where I live in Stroud – all just to get to the start of the 30 mile route. Only the evening before, the person I’d planned to go round the cycle route with had cried off, so it’s now just me and my inner gremlins in this conversation. Ms Rain-on-the-Parade Gremlin is quickest off the block. She says: ‘You could go on a ride on your own instead. It’ll be sunnier later in the afternoon anyway.’ ‘You’d save the £15 entry fee.’ ‘You wouldn’t have to get up so early – and would be free to choose what route you do when.’ ‘Since you watched that movie last night, you didn’t get to bed early and prepare for the ride properly anyway.’ ‘No one will notice or care if you don’t go.’ Sound familiar? How easy it would be to stay in bed – oh yes. Sometimes, it must be said, I’ve listened to that gremlin and done just that. However, I’ve had too many instances recently where I’ve not pushed myself a bit to do something, and the result has been nothing but a low mood, comfort eating, and/or faffing around and feeling lonely and dissatisfied with myself. Blech. So, thank goodness, Wise Bonnie reminds me of all that, and somehow makes herself gently but firmly heard above all the clatter the Gremlin is dishing out: ‘You know you’ll feel better for going and seeing some friends.’ ‘You know you’ll feel better by ensuring that you do get out and ride now – you know you enjoy getting the fresh air, and helping your muscles become fitter and stronger.’ ‘If you go to the Cogfest you’ll be part of something bigger. It will be fun, too! You’ll feel better for following through with your plan.’ I’m so glad I listened to Wise Bonnie in the end, and went to the event. Indeed I had a lovely day, and felt nourished. Why exactly, you might ask? I felt buoyed up by seeing a few cycling club friends, and chatting to a few people I didn’t know. I got to be part of the group photo of the cycling club in all our pink splendour (I'm the second on the left below). My legs had some more miles put into them – meaning I’m getting stronger. My lungs had more oxygen pumped through them – and I felt totally chilled out. Plenty of freewheeling thinking time. The kind of freer thinking I do when hill walking or cycling has more air in it – literally and figuratively. I could have missed out entirely on all of it. The feeling of achievement because I’d overcome my doubting voices and gotten my butt out there. I ended up riding the last 5 miles with a woman who, it turned out, was friends with someone I knew. Chatting to her meant that those last hills (and there were quite a few at the end) flew past, instead of being a complete slog. Last but not least, as everyone who knew the event had promised, the homemade cakes at the midpoint feed station were divine! Simply put, I felt pleasantly zombified and relaxed and uplifted by 40 miles in the saddle. I started writing this post that day, in a state of bliss and satisfaction, and physical and psychological well-being. As I’d pedalled along on my own in the middle stretches, I reflected on how universal this story is. Many of us feel more motivated to do something when we are part of a group, or with a buddy. How easy it can be to talk ourselves out of something when it’s just us!
It’s more fun and a good motivation to do it with someone else who can kindly but firmly nudge your butt in the right direction when needed. Or we can even do the butt-nudging ourselves, if we know someone else is involved. Also, how many of us find it difficult to make the time to get our bodies moving? I had discovered the hard way the cost of not making time for cycling. In mid-March, after a busy and buzzy start to the year work-wise, I had a sort of crash. My mood took a nosedive, I was doing lots of comfort eating, sleeping more, not feeling excited by much. I had been on a kind of high of buzz about a number of developing ideas, but could feel that trying to keep so many plates spinning at once – or grow that many new ideas at the same time – simply wasn’t sustainable. It was quite a shock to come down this hard, and at the worst times I gave myself a hard time about it and isolated myself far too much for my own good. When I did think about what had led to the mood crash though, I realised that one thing that had gone out the window was the exercise – I’d done barely any cycling or running or serious hill walking since November. I’d seriously missed how good in myself the cycling had helped me feel. The crash came as a valuable reminder that I needed to make the effort to put cycling and moving about firmly back in the calendar, and commit to it. So entering these cycling events, and starting to go out with the club again, as well as on my own, have all been part of restoring the balance. I’m not as fit as I would like to be, or as I was last year, but at least I’m headed in the right direction. Funny how those gremlins keep coming back though. Just now I’ve had to push through to finish writing this, and do so in time for me to get out for a run. So I’d better get going out the door now before the Gremlins gang up! If any of this sounds familiar to you, join the conversation below. Where are you at with your self-care? What do you do that sustains and nourishes you? Or is there something you’re thinking of adding to your routine for your well-being? I’d love to hear from you. Bonnie
0 Comments
24/11/2013 0 Comments Slow down, you move too fast?Earlier this month I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Olivia Sprinkel for her blog, Sustainable Brands. Not the kind of title that, on the face of it, I would have expected to have a connection with. However....
Olivia's articulated her vision of a movement she's calling Slow Moving Creative Good, or SMCG - the opposite of FMCG where the emphasis is on Fast Moving Consumer Goods. Reading her SMCG manifesto, I got to thinking about various slow things in my life, particularly cycling and bread- and jam-making. I also thought of therapy as a kind of slow living: slow in that a person in therapy often learns to become more aware of their thoughts, feelings, experience, desires, etc. Therapy enables us to take 'time out' from daily pressures, demands and busyness, to find out more about what is inside. Therapy enables us to become more aware of the choices we make and the impact those choices has on our experience. In Olivia's first blogpost I talk with her about some of my areas of slow; in the second I share a few suggestions for anyone who wants to slow down. While talking about the second, I was remembering the number of friends and clients who have suffered stress, burnout, illness or physical injury. I have seen them struggle to accept that they need to look after themselves in a different way, and honour their own pace, despite external and societal pressures to do more, keep going, pull themselves together, work faster, or achieve more success (usually as defined by the Fast Moving Consumer Goods world). I have heard many people think of themselves as less worthy because they are a human being with varying needs, rather than an ever-productive machine. Some people put themselves under pressure to 'perform' in the same way they did in their 20s or 30s. This outlook and way of judging people is both sad and angry-making. I hope that in my own small way - working with clients to help them accept themselves, regardless of their age or abilities, and learn how they can truly fill themselves up with the satisfactions of slower - I'm helping to create the kind of slow-moving, creative, good world in Olivia's vision. What's your experience of slow? http://sustainablebrands.wordpress.com/2013/11/11/the-satisfactions-of-slow/ http://sustainablebrands.wordpress.com/2013/11/12/the-satisfactions-of-learning-to-slow-down/ 23/10/2013 0 Comments Cotswold Talking Therapies promotion in response to National Stress Awareness Day 6 NovemberMy lovely colleagues and I at Cotswold Talking Therapies have been busy getting ready for our November promotion in honour of National Stress Awareness Day. Within our team we have a lot of experience and skill to help people learn about their stress responses - and get better at caring for themselves whilst leading busy, fulfilling lives!
We are offering free half-hour consultations across the Cotswolds throughout November, and several articles on stress are now up on our website. To find out more about our articles and free offer, follow the link below. Wishing you a calm and productive day from all of us at CTT! http://www.cotswoldtalkingtherapies.co.uk/17/Strategies-for-Stress---Free-offer.html 'Can baking make you happier?' asks the BBC: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-23756645
This article highlights the experiences of several people with mental health diagnoses, but I think baking or other creative, physical activities can be helpful for anyone. I can think of times when cooking, baking a loaf of bread or a cake, or making a batch of jam has been a welcome respite in times of emotional or mental turmoil. There's something about turning my attention to what's physically in front of me that can be wonderfully calming and grounding. Making something also brings a sense of satisfaction and achievement. Gardening, walking, and working with clay are a few other activities I've recently heard people describe as therapeutic for them. What works for you? What do you think of when you think of the word 'self-harming?'
A recent article on the BBC Gloucestershire website highlights the NHS reporting a significant increase in the number of self-harming incidents in the county. The figure is pretty staggering: an 80% increase in 2011-2012 compared to the year before that. Granted, as an NHS spokesperson points out in the article, the definition of self-harm includes many 'low intensity, high frequency acts such as inpatients slapping themselves' as well as its more serious forms such as cutting. Still, does that mean we shouldn't be concerned about it? Nailbiting, hairpulling, excessive scratching, and cutting are some forms of overt physical self-harm. I have worked with clients who self-harm in these ways, though rarely has that been the issue they've initially come through the door wanting help with. In my experience clients who self-harm often feel ashamed of their behaviour. (Shame is a fascinating subject in itself and deserves its own post at some point!) All the more reason for me or another professional to be accepting, compassionate and even gently curious to find out more, and encourage clients to talk to them about it. Seeking to understand how self-harming fits into the client's world - and getting alongside them - will help them dissolve the vicious cycle of self-criticism and shame, and begin to open up. Self-harming is one way people sometimes manage their impulses and feelings of anger that they don't feel able to express outwardly. If on some level, expressing anger at someone else seems too dangerous an option, then it can seem safer to release these feelings by causing themselves pain. 'I am angry, I shouldn't feel angry, and I need punishing' is one set of messages I have heard in my practice. Clients have described feeling comforted and relieved when they self-harm. The way forward is to seek to understand the client's experience of it, and to be compassionately forensic in exploring the detail: to develop their awareness of what happens moment-to-moment before they scratch or make that first cut. All of us human beings are challenged when it comes to our impulses: when does it serve me to act on them? when not? Talking about one's destructive impulses and not acting them out directly is a massive step forward. I have heard a client tell me about the moment they really wanted to cut themselves - but didn't. This was a moment of triumph. I was touched and full of admiration for their determination and commitment to find a new and different way of responding to themselves. It's worth mentioning though that it took months of weekly sessions to get to that point. The rate of change is different for every individual and will depend on their history, how they have formed themselves over the years and how committed they are to the process of their own growth. A teacher in social work quoted in the BBC article says that 'self-harm needs a lot of time-intensive work - there are a lot of deep issues behind the self-harm and that needs a therapeutic approach and that needs money.' How can more of us use our influence and authority, in a culture that often looks for the quick fix, to grow a public awareness of the need to develop a longer-term approach that is responsive to how wonderfully complex we humans are? Re-reading the article, and seeing the reference to self-harming behaviour being classified as something deliberately inflicted against the self, I've also been reflecting on its more internal forms: being self-critical, creating physical tensions by directing emotions such as anger inwards rather than expressing them, or taking a punitive attitude towards ourselves for who we are. I suspect that many more of us would be able to relate to these examples in our own experience. Working with any kind of self-harm and moving towards self-esteem and self-love can be a lifelong project for any of us. To read the BBC Gloucestershire article in full see http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-gloucestershire-21826571 I'm delighted to be joining Cotswold Talking Therapies, aka Christabel, Davina and Phil - a solid team who have been working creatively together to found and develop CTT over a number of years. Having a network of colleagues - with their differing perspective and experience - who can support and challenge each other is a great way to grow personally and professionally. I'm looking forward to seeing how we all develop.
Learn more about us at http://www.cotswoldtalkingtherapies.co.uk/2/Home.html Read this review yesterday from a friend's copy of the Guardian - very neat. Stephen Grosz has a decent website as well, both links are below! Time to splash out on the book?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/jan/18/the-examined-life-stephen-grosz-review http://www.stephengrosz.com/the-examined-life/ If you're interested to be a fly on the wall for a short while, catch these 15-minute readings from the book The Examined Life. Psychoanalyst Stephen Grosz writes about some of his clients (called 'patients' in psychoanalytic-speak) and work he did with them. I've listened to two of these so far and they're gripping stuff! Listen to them while you can on iPlayer as they'll only be around for a week after the original broadcast. Below is the link to the first one - there are 5 episodes in all.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01pnmwy/Book_of_the_Week_The_Examined_Life_Episode_1/ |
AuthorI'm a psychotherapist who likes giving new things a go - that's why this blog's here! We'll see how it goes but I hope some of it will be interesting or helpful to you. Archives
May 2017
Categories |